When hurt cuts deep

No-one is immune to facing challenges and no-one is protected from feeling hurt. Whether it is caused by strangers, colleagues, friends, family or the ones you love, hurt is inevitable. What matters is how you deal with it. Do you talk about it or do you bottle it up? Do you turn to sex, drugs or alcohol or do you actually seek help? Do you take your feelings out on someone else or do you punish yourself for how you feel? Do you sit with yourself honestly and compassionately or do you berate yourself for being alive? Whatever way you deal with it, it’s important (at some stage) to take the time to pick the hurt apart because in not doing so, you not only risk affecting the lives of those around you, but most importantly, you end up causing long-term damage to yourself including, your self-esteem. Trust me, I’ve been on the receiving end of other people’s issues and in the same vein, others have been on the receiving end of the feelings I’ve not dealt with, and I’m telling you it’s not pretty from either side. All that’s left is anger, resentment, bitterness and more hurt.

I have by no means perfected the art of dealing with my hurt but I try. Every day I fight to live another day, to be the best version of myself and believe me when I say, I do try and show compassion to those around me even when it feels like I have nothing left to give. Whilst I don’t always get it right, I do try and if you can try too, then you’ve already won half the battle (in my opinion anyway). But you can’t even begin to try if you immediately choose something else to distract you and don’t face up to the deep emotional challenges within you. How can you face your hurt if you’ve already moved onto something new; be it a person or thing?

Recovering from years of childhood trauma, severe depression as a result, and now anxiety, I’ve learnt that the only way to deal with hurt is it to sit with it, determine the root cause and then choose whether to accept the situation, change it or let it go. I often struggle with both acceptance and letting go. Instead, you’ll always find me trying desperately to change a situation. Does that sound like you? If it does, it really sucks doesn’t it? If you are one of the lucky few that have successfully mastered the art of acceptance and letting go, well done! It’s jolly hard and a skill I’d love to be able to call upon in hard times, so that really does deserve a pat on the back.

Anyway, I digress. Dealing with hurt is important. End of. Why? Because you’ll only end up hurting yourself further. You’ll do this by worrying, overthinking and then ruining opportunities that come your way because you’re too upset and sad to see past it. Sometimes, though alot of people might not understand why, you may end up hurting yourself physically to remove some of the anguish you feel. I’ve been there and done that many times. I’m not proud of it and always feel annoyed with myself the following morning, but in those moments of pure hurt where you feel like you’ve not been heard or seen for you, you want the pain to stop so badly. At the same time however, you don’t want to die because deep inside of you, there is still a flutter of hope. Hope to keep believing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, strength to inspire you to fight another day and love, for yourself, your family and anyone who might need it.

Next time you think of reaching for that bottle of whisky, feel like punching a wall or find yourself taking the scissors out to cut yourself, breathe and know that you’re okay. This too shall pass. What you’re feeling is okay and even though it may not feel like it, things do get better. Just like the sun never fails to rise each morning, you will be able to laugh again soon. In the meantime, try your best to self-soothe. How? For starters, jotting down your thoughts helps. If you’ve got into an argument with someone, what it is it about that incident that hurts you. Is it the feeling of being rejected, abandoned or shut down? Whatever you’re feeling, grab a pen and whatever is available for you to write on and jot it down. Your thoughts matter, your feelings matter and the paper wants to know your story. Noting things down helps you in the future for when you need a reference point in a not too dissimilar situation. Next, depending on the time and safety of your area, put your trainers on and go for a run. Never run before? Doesn’t matter. Can’t run? That’s not true. Everyone can. Whatever you do, get your heart racing and blood pumping so that there are some nice healthy endorphins. If you’re spiritual and open to self-development, reach out for your favourite quote or passage – read it and believe it. It may help. Lastly, give yourself a break. Whatever’s happened, has happened and there’s nothing you can do to change it. If you have hurt someone else, apologise and make things right. If someone has hurt you, forgive them and don’t berate them for it. Everyone is going through a battle you may know nothing about and nobody’s perfect, including you.

Hurt cuts deep. If you don’t deal with it healthily (like I failed to do yesterday) you will live with the regret, remorse and resentment you feel towards yourself the following morning because you didn’t do enough to get yourself out of a dark place. Like I say though, we all mess up and nobody’s perfect but facing the pain head on helps, whilst escaping it does nothing. So, next time you find yourself getting angry or sad at something that has happened, ask yourself what you’re reacting to and deal with it. If you ever find that some of the hurt is too much to handle, seeking a qualified professional who is trained to deal with difficult trauma is worthwhile and something I would definitely recommend because you’ll only end up hurting yourself and those you love if you constantly avoid it.

Spread your wings (as tired as they may be) and soar,

The Confused Butterfly

Disclaimer: The contents of this website are intended for educational purposes only. Nothing found on this site should be a substitute for professional medical advice nor is it a substitute for therapy. Therefore, please seek the advice of a Doctor or Mental Health Practitioner if you have any concerns about your wellbeing. These views are personal to me and are in no way a representation of other individuals or organisations.

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